Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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