thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
