She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i drank out of a bidet.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
