I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
