is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Come on in and take your pants off
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