Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wish you could order shots online.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
