I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
