she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
