It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
