I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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