I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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