I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
This toilet bowl is my home.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
