I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
