So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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