Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
foreskin is a definite game changer
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
