just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
