how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You made out with two different species that night
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
