just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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