She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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