I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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