the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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