I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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