I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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