I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
