I just pynch a tree in the face
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We talked him into tasing himself.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Can I color on your dick again?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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