He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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