We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So squirting runs in the family.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
