Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
