Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
