It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
