But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
