you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
