Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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