If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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