If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
