I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize