The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
