oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize