he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
