I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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