Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
