Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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