Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
