the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Two words: blizzard sex
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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