JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
