i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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