halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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