why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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