the condom got lost in my hair
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
