Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
