i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize