chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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