using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
