She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
