Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
