So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
