i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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