Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
