My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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