Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
