Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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