I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
