My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
