Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
