I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
