I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Come share oat with me in your robe
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize