You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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