Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
operation have a gay friend backfired
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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