Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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