I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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