if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Someone came in the potted fern
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
